Archive for January, 2008

Spring is coming, so it will be PT test time again…..

Posted in military on January 31, 2008 by pvtpyle

The Army does a PT test in April and October each year to test their soldiers. At the beginning of each event they read the guidelines and reason for each event. But being the kind of guy I am I have to call bullshit on the test and the reasoning behind it. I will explain.Push ups: Push-ups measure the endurance of the chest, shoulder, and triceps muscles.How the fuck does doing a bunch of push ups measure my real world upper body strength? Does being able to do push ups help me hoist my overloaded ass up into the back of a Deuce? Does it get me over the wall in my battle rattle or drag my wounded buddy out of the line of fire while we are both loaded down with 70 pounds of gear? How did they determine what was the proper amount for each age group? I have read 21-20 and could not find it. Some sort of arbitrary system or was it done on a whim?Sit ups: This event measures the endurance of the abdominal and hip-flexor muscles.It does huh? What else does it do, besides put undo pressure on your lower back and cause injury that is needless? The Marines (whom are a proud and noble fighting force that I am proud to say I was once part of) are not the smartest bunch of grapes on the big green vine. (Before you other Marines go getting uppity on me go look at your average infantry platoon. The guys in mine were mostly knuckle dragging troglodytes who had a hard time forming complete sentences.) But they have realized that crunches put a lot less strain and pressure on the lower back.2 mile run: This event tests cardio respiratory (aerobic) endurance and the endurance of the leg muscles.This one is a real joke. How do they determine what everyone’s Anaerobic threshold is, or what each individuals lung capacity is? How is this one standard supposed to cover each individual in their age group when everyone’s life experiences are different? This is the most bullshit part of the whole fucked up thing. So douche bag SGM probably with a background in physical therapy 40 years ago came up with some kind of bullshit standard derived using some way out of date information. Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL about being physically fit and working to and even beyond ones potential. But this type of testing is not only out sedated, it is fairly irrelevant in today’s military. I propose a new PT test that is much more applicable to the modern battle field. First we need to take everyone’s resting heart rate and then determine what their Anaerobic threshold is. Events are timed, and all age groups and sexes are scored on the events with the same scale. Age and individual AT are the only variables. 1- 25M Sprints. In your issued armor with a rubber duck and ACH, you sprint from point to point over a four leg course. You are timed and then your heart rate is taken to determine if you are within the appropriate heart rate zone. 2- 50M Sprints. Done in regular uniform with 2 legs. Each leg is separated by a 30 second rest period. You are timed and your heart rate is taken at the end. 3- The buddy drag. In full kit you drag a rescue randy dummy 10m, then rest for 10 seconds and then drag him 20m. You may drag or carry him, but he weighs 175 pounds. And you have to fight your rubber duck. 4- Obstacle course/confidence course. This is designed to your overall strength. Your entire body has been tested to this point, this is the final test of strength and endurance. There are a dozen really good courses in the military to choose from. We need one between the Marine boot camp course and the Rangers course. Of course you are timed and your HR is taken at the end. This is done in standard uniform, no combat equipment. So, four events, 10 minutes between each one. This should weed out enough of the fat asses and weaklings to get the job done. And one last thing. No more bullshit height and weight. We have guys in the unit that are way over weight, yet their body fat is in the single digits. Then again, we have one or two that are way over weight and you would think the way the uniform stretches around them that they were in triple digit fat content. 110% fat sack of shit. If there is a question about a soldier’s fat content they need to use a real method of determining it. The tape test is bullshit. Either use a digital caliper or the tank. You are talking about someone’s career here, so use a real method of either giving them a GTG or shit canning them.

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What to do about illegal imigration….

Posted in Society with tags , , , , on January 26, 2008 by pvtpyle

I have three theories on how we can stop the mass migration of illegal aliens into the US. Now I agree that we need an influx of new citizens in this country, but the numbers that are coming over are breaking this country.

 

 

My first proposal is to institute involuntary organ donation. When we catch you the first time we will take DNA and tissue samples. Then you go back across the border. The next time, we DNA test you again, and then you give up a part. It may be a lung lobe, it could be a kidney. It could even be your heart. It all depends on what the needs of the citizens of this country are. If we have a vet that needs a new leg, you just ran your ass here so yours must be in good shape, you are going to make a donation to the cause.

 

 

Then you go back. If you come across again, back to the lab and out comes another part. If you make it thru that surgery and back across the border, we get one more piece and you are a citizen. You have now given enough of yourself to be a US Citizen.

 

 

My second plan is when you come across, if you are of age, you get drafted into the military. After a 6 year enlistment in a combat zone you and your immediate family (who have been working in the migrant farms under the watchful eye of new US Citizens fresh from Iraq) are all now citizens. If you get killed, they all go to Mexico City where she can find a new daddy for the kids and give it another try. It boosts the numbers in the military and will give your family a real appreciation of what it means to give in order to be an American.

 

 

Finally, we need to close the border immediately and open classes on how to be border guards. Then we go down to the home depot grab up all the able bodied men and train them as border guards. They get paid $4 an hour and a bounty on every illegal they catch trying to come across. If they get caught helping illegals come across, they get sent home and that new illegal gets trained to take his place. Any illegal that makes it across is encouraged to report to the nearest border patrol station and dime out the guard he got past. If he can show management where he came across, that guard is back home and the new guy takes his place. After a two year stint on the border, they become citizens and their immediate family can come over.

 

 

Maybe a plan that somehow incorporates a bit of all three plans would provide the most flexibility and prove to be more effective.

Why the military needs broken and injured troops.

Posted in military with tags , , , , , on January 24, 2008 by pvtpyle

In the modern age, with enlistment and retention problems being at an extreme high, the modern military can not afford to pass up on anyone interested in joining. There is a significant number of people who would like to join the military but for one reason or another there is a physical characteristic that bars them from enlistment. That is utterly ridiculous. If this were a private company or other government job, the AWD and ACLU would be screaming bloody murder. And rightfully so!

 

Schleppy the 350 pound computer geek does not need to pass the current PT test or fire a weapon to hack into the Chinese defense computers and find out what those sneaky fuckers are up to. Larry the flat footed accountant does not need to hump a 75lb ruck to work in the finance department. Like wise Mike the double amputee at the knees does not need to run the PT test in order to be in the administration section and process pegs into the right holes.

 

We need to find all the odd shaped pegs out there and match them up with the right shaped holes. We are wasting a lot of good talent in this country who would like to serve this great Nation. Serving with honor can be done from all positions, by people of all physical capabilities.

 

Oh yeah, all of you pouges that past the PT test in April, welcome to Combat Arms you fuckers. Please report to Fort Benning for re-training.

Homeless and the malnourished. What to do about them.

Posted in Society on January 24, 2008 by pvtpyle

Before you read ANY FURTHER go back and read the introduction. What follows is satire, and most likely not very funny (unless you are a bit tipsy and had just been accosted by a bum asking for money….).

The homeless problem in the US is getting worse by the day. Even though our unemployment rates are nice and low in most places, people are going hungry. What do we do to help eleviate these issues in modern society? Is there any reason for this to be happening? Surely something can be done to help these poor people.

I think I have just the solution. Cage matches. Like Thunder Dome! Two men (or women) enter and one leaves. Either way, this is a win win for society. When people show up for food stamps, they get a date for their match. When people show up at the homeless shelter, same thing. When the fight is done, the winner now has a place to live and food for a while. Yes, I know what you are thinking, it is rather barbaric. But when you are hungry, you will be amazed at what you can eat.

In order to keep people from side stepping the process and just becoming a pan handler, we make it a capital offense. You need two other witnesses, but if some bum is hanging out near the front doors of your office begging and you and two co-workers are on your way to lunch and get accosted, smoke him right there. The meat wagon (no pun intended) will come and get him, tissue type the organs and take the good stuff while the rest goes to help feed the winners of the cage matches. And if you see some dude claiming to be a vet on the side of the road,  just clip him.

Of course there needs to be some controls on the whole thing. There need to be age restrictions, the young and the very old can not apply. If you have children, you can find work at the processing stations. Now you can buy food instead of being food. If you are old but semi litterate, you can work in the offices. Shut ins can work from home via a virtual office.

Every 21 days you either re-apply or fend for yourself. Pretty soon the situation will take care of itself. Those that were winners will need employment when the system has corrected the issue, so what do we do with them? Send them to Africa. We can have Americans running the gangs and acting as warlords now. God knows that canibalism is nothing new over there, even in todays day and age people are hacked up and eaten as sacrifices before battle by priests and warlords. And rumor has it that long pig has a flavor all its own that you never loose the taste for. Now they dont have to! Before you know it Bono and the rest of those hippy fucktards can get back to making music and stop begging for MY money. Fuckers already got my money when I bought their shitty cd. But that is another rant…. Now everyone can be productive and contribute something to society.

Privatizing the Military

Posted in military with tags , , , , on January 22, 2008 by pvtpyle

First of all, I am not talking about a true private army like those mercenary fuckers running around out there. The laws that govern the use of the military and command authority would remain the same. But what I am talking about is running the military like a business. Everyone has heard the stories of the $80 bolts (even though that is a nice way of fund black units and operations  that the civilian pussies don’t want top hear about but are required to do the job) but the problem is much, much larger than that.

 

 

 

I am talking about a complete top to bottom overhaul. The procurement system is almost completely broken. By the time the various petty kingdoms in the military get done testing a product and begin fielding it, it is obsolete and they have to start all over again. In the mean time the soldier still gets shit on. Even getting basic supplies thru the system is a nightmare that can take weeks or months. In a combat zone that kind of delay can mean the difference between life and death.

 

 

The way training is conducted is so sad and pathetic that if the military was graded like a school the acredidation would be pulled so fast that it would make your head spin. Most courses in the military should be run in a manner that gives students the best chance at passing. There needs to be a set of standards for the courses that vary based on the class. PT should be conducted to maintain a good level of physical conditioning. But the nonsense of instructors being asshats just because it was that way when they went thru needs to go. All those lame ass badge and tab protecting fucks need to be fired. If we make the course more intense and cut the bullshit in favor of more actual training we would have a much better trained fighting force. Hundreds of years have been spent developing adult learning programs in our institutions of higher learning and we still let a bunch of knuckle dragging troglodytes train our soldiers.

 

 

And the command staff needs to be privatized. After joining the military 18 years ago, it has become painfully obvious that most Seargents Majors and Colonels are nothing more than a bunch of half witted soldiers who made better politicians. Maybe they were a good soldier at one time, but when they become the SGM it seems that it is much more important to get some payback on those who pissed them off or did them wrong along the way. An officer who has a perfect record of OER’s is either an office pouge or a coward. He either never got out there and did anything in the real world or was too big of a pussy to stick it out there and take a chance. These are the same risk adverse pussies getting our troops killed in Iraq and screwing up the mission in the Phillipines and Afghanistan.

 

 

The upper ranks need to be run by the likes of Fortune 500 execs. They need military training so they know how to best utilize the forces available but have not been brought up in one branch to color their judgement so they shit on the other branches (you arty and air wing fucks know who you are).

New information on the digital TV conversions!

Posted in Society on January 21, 2008 by pvtpyle

It was just announced (on a tv commercial) that if you are such a broke dick that you can not afford a new tv, the government is going to provide you with a voucher so you can get one. God forbid the governemtn keep it’s nose out of the telecommunication business and let them rise and fall on their own. By giving the voucher they help to ensure that the telecommuncations industry does not go tits up and can continue to make absurd amounts of money while your fat ass watches tv.

Additionally, and most importantly, they ensure that the majority of the American public remain slaves to the idiot box. They can continue to help you live that care free life of government subsidies and welfare while they tell them what to think and condition them on how to act. Instead of giving the broke fat fucks a new way to get tv, why don’t we encourage them to go out and get a job so they can pay for their own tv without the tax payers doing it for them.

Another example of the government helping the slaves remain slaves while the rest of us pay for it. It’s fucking discusting.

Welcome! Here is your only warning.

Posted in Uncategorized on January 21, 2008 by pvtpyle
Well, this is your first and last warning. This blog will offend you at some point. Hell, it even offends me sometimes to think these things but it is theraputic to get them out. Some of it will make you lauigh, some may make you cry. I hope it gives you something to think about from time to time since my point is not to offend, but to comment on the world as it is and where we are in it.You will encounter vulgarity. You may find what you think are racist comments on all races, ESPECIALLY my own. You may find comments that you find repulsive or off the makr. Tell me why. I want to hear from you.

If you are a democrat, a vegan, a straight edger, a slave to the state, like to be told what to do instead of thinking for yourself, blame society for your problems, blame your family, blame the government, or are just generally coasting thru life without any of your own goals or independent thoughts, I can PROMISE you that you will be offended.