Spring is coming, so it will be PT test time again…..

The Army does a PT test in April and October each year to test their soldiers. At the beginning of each event they read the guidelines and reason for each event. But being the kind of guy I am I have to call bullshit on the test and the reasoning behind it. I will explain.Push ups: Push-ups measure the endurance of the chest, shoulder, and triceps muscles.How the fuck does doing a bunch of push ups measure my real world upper body strength? Does being able to do push ups help me hoist my overloaded ass up into the back of a Deuce? Does it get me over the wall in my battle rattle or drag my wounded buddy out of the line of fire while we are both loaded down with 70 pounds of gear? How did they determine what was the proper amount for each age group? I have read 21-20 and could not find it. Some sort of arbitrary system or was it done on a whim?Sit ups: This event measures the endurance of the abdominal and hip-flexor muscles.It does huh? What else does it do, besides put undo pressure on your lower back and cause injury that is needless? The Marines (whom are a proud and noble fighting force that I am proud to say I was once part of) are not the smartest bunch of grapes on the big green vine. (Before you other Marines go getting uppity on me go look at your average infantry platoon. The guys in mine were mostly knuckle dragging troglodytes who had a hard time forming complete sentences.) But they have realized that crunches put a lot less strain and pressure on the lower back.2 mile run: This event tests cardio respiratory (aerobic) endurance and the endurance of the leg muscles.This one is a real joke. How do they determine what everyone’s Anaerobic threshold is, or what each individuals lung capacity is? How is this one standard supposed to cover each individual in their age group when everyone’s life experiences are different? This is the most bullshit part of the whole fucked up thing. So douche bag SGM probably with a background in physical therapy 40 years ago came up with some kind of bullshit standard derived using some way out of date information. Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL about being physically fit and working to and even beyond ones potential. But this type of testing is not only out sedated, it is fairly irrelevant in today’s military. I propose a new PT test that is much more applicable to the modern battle field. First we need to take everyone’s resting heart rate and then determine what their Anaerobic threshold is. Events are timed, and all age groups and sexes are scored on the events with the same scale. Age and individual AT are the only variables. 1- 25M Sprints. In your issued armor with a rubber duck and ACH, you sprint from point to point over a four leg course. You are timed and then your heart rate is taken to determine if you are within the appropriate heart rate zone. 2- 50M Sprints. Done in regular uniform with 2 legs. Each leg is separated by a 30 second rest period. You are timed and your heart rate is taken at the end. 3- The buddy drag. In full kit you drag a rescue randy dummy 10m, then rest for 10 seconds and then drag him 20m. You may drag or carry him, but he weighs 175 pounds. And you have to fight your rubber duck. 4- Obstacle course/confidence course. This is designed to your overall strength. Your entire body has been tested to this point, this is the final test of strength and endurance. There are a dozen really good courses in the military to choose from. We need one between the Marine boot camp course and the Rangers course. Of course you are timed and your HR is taken at the end. This is done in standard uniform, no combat equipment. So, four events, 10 minutes between each one. This should weed out enough of the fat asses and weaklings to get the job done. And one last thing. No more bullshit height and weight. We have guys in the unit that are way over weight, yet their body fat is in the single digits. Then again, we have one or two that are way over weight and you would think the way the uniform stretches around them that they were in triple digit fat content. 110% fat sack of shit. If there is a question about a soldier’s fat content they need to use a real method of determining it. The tape test is bullshit. Either use a digital caliper or the tank. You are talking about someone’s career here, so use a real method of either giving them a GTG or shit canning them.

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One Response to “Spring is coming, so it will be PT test time again…..”

  1. Heck, Pyle… I figure if I’m ever in a shootin war again, I’ll be the guy saying “Hell, just leave me – I’d rather see what a coupla ammo cans can do than run two miles on these knees.” And Army and the running to stay under weight is one of the things that fubar’d ’em…

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