Archive for the military Category

Spring is coming, so it will be PT test time again…..

Posted in military on January 31, 2008 by pvtpyle

The Army does a PT test in April and October each year to test their soldiers. At the beginning of each event they read the guidelines and reason for each event. But being the kind of guy I am I have to call bullshit on the test and the reasoning behind it. I will explain.Push ups: Push-ups measure the endurance of the chest, shoulder, and triceps muscles.How the fuck does doing a bunch of push ups measure my real world upper body strength? Does being able to do push ups help me hoist my overloaded ass up into the back of a Deuce? Does it get me over the wall in my battle rattle or drag my wounded buddy out of the line of fire while we are both loaded down with 70 pounds of gear? How did they determine what was the proper amount for each age group? I have read 21-20 and could not find it. Some sort of arbitrary system or was it done on a whim?Sit ups: This event measures the endurance of the abdominal and hip-flexor muscles.It does huh? What else does it do, besides put undo pressure on your lower back and cause injury that is needless? The Marines (whom are a proud and noble fighting force that I am proud to say I was once part of) are not the smartest bunch of grapes on the big green vine. (Before you other Marines go getting uppity on me go look at your average infantry platoon. The guys in mine were mostly knuckle dragging troglodytes who had a hard time forming complete sentences.) But they have realized that crunches put a lot less strain and pressure on the lower back.2 mile run: This event tests cardio respiratory (aerobic) endurance and the endurance of the leg muscles.This one is a real joke. How do they determine what everyone’s Anaerobic threshold is, or what each individuals lung capacity is? How is this one standard supposed to cover each individual in their age group when everyone’s life experiences are different? This is the most bullshit part of the whole fucked up thing. So douche bag SGM probably with a background in physical therapy 40 years ago came up with some kind of bullshit standard derived using some way out of date information. Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL about being physically fit and working to and even beyond ones potential. But this type of testing is not only out sedated, it is fairly irrelevant in today’s military. I propose a new PT test that is much more applicable to the modern battle field. First we need to take everyone’s resting heart rate and then determine what their Anaerobic threshold is. Events are timed, and all age groups and sexes are scored on the events with the same scale. Age and individual AT are the only variables. 1- 25M Sprints. In your issued armor with a rubber duck and ACH, you sprint from point to point over a four leg course. You are timed and then your heart rate is taken to determine if you are within the appropriate heart rate zone. 2- 50M Sprints. Done in regular uniform with 2 legs. Each leg is separated by a 30 second rest period. You are timed and your heart rate is taken at the end. 3- The buddy drag. In full kit you drag a rescue randy dummy 10m, then rest for 10 seconds and then drag him 20m. You may drag or carry him, but he weighs 175 pounds. And you have to fight your rubber duck. 4- Obstacle course/confidence course. This is designed to your overall strength. Your entire body has been tested to this point, this is the final test of strength and endurance. There are a dozen really good courses in the military to choose from. We need one between the Marine boot camp course and the Rangers course. Of course you are timed and your HR is taken at the end. This is done in standard uniform, no combat equipment. So, four events, 10 minutes between each one. This should weed out enough of the fat asses and weaklings to get the job done. And one last thing. No more bullshit height and weight. We have guys in the unit that are way over weight, yet their body fat is in the single digits. Then again, we have one or two that are way over weight and you would think the way the uniform stretches around them that they were in triple digit fat content. 110% fat sack of shit. If there is a question about a soldier’s fat content they need to use a real method of determining it. The tape test is bullshit. Either use a digital caliper or the tank. You are talking about someone’s career here, so use a real method of either giving them a GTG or shit canning them.

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Why the military needs broken and injured troops.

Posted in military with tags , , , , , on January 24, 2008 by pvtpyle

In the modern age, with enlistment and retention problems being at an extreme high, the modern military can not afford to pass up on anyone interested in joining. There is a significant number of people who would like to join the military but for one reason or another there is a physical characteristic that bars them from enlistment. That is utterly ridiculous. If this were a private company or other government job, the AWD and ACLU would be screaming bloody murder. And rightfully so!

 

Schleppy the 350 pound computer geek does not need to pass the current PT test or fire a weapon to hack into the Chinese defense computers and find out what those sneaky fuckers are up to. Larry the flat footed accountant does not need to hump a 75lb ruck to work in the finance department. Like wise Mike the double amputee at the knees does not need to run the PT test in order to be in the administration section and process pegs into the right holes.

 

We need to find all the odd shaped pegs out there and match them up with the right shaped holes. We are wasting a lot of good talent in this country who would like to serve this great Nation. Serving with honor can be done from all positions, by people of all physical capabilities.

 

Oh yeah, all of you pouges that past the PT test in April, welcome to Combat Arms you fuckers. Please report to Fort Benning for re-training.

Privatizing the Military

Posted in military with tags , , , , on January 22, 2008 by pvtpyle

First of all, I am not talking about a true private army like those mercenary fuckers running around out there. The laws that govern the use of the military and command authority would remain the same. But what I am talking about is running the military like a business. Everyone has heard the stories of the $80 bolts (even though that is a nice way of fund black units and operations  that the civilian pussies don’t want top hear about but are required to do the job) but the problem is much, much larger than that.

 

 

 

I am talking about a complete top to bottom overhaul. The procurement system is almost completely broken. By the time the various petty kingdoms in the military get done testing a product and begin fielding it, it is obsolete and they have to start all over again. In the mean time the soldier still gets shit on. Even getting basic supplies thru the system is a nightmare that can take weeks or months. In a combat zone that kind of delay can mean the difference between life and death.

 

 

The way training is conducted is so sad and pathetic that if the military was graded like a school the acredidation would be pulled so fast that it would make your head spin. Most courses in the military should be run in a manner that gives students the best chance at passing. There needs to be a set of standards for the courses that vary based on the class. PT should be conducted to maintain a good level of physical conditioning. But the nonsense of instructors being asshats just because it was that way when they went thru needs to go. All those lame ass badge and tab protecting fucks need to be fired. If we make the course more intense and cut the bullshit in favor of more actual training we would have a much better trained fighting force. Hundreds of years have been spent developing adult learning programs in our institutions of higher learning and we still let a bunch of knuckle dragging troglodytes train our soldiers.

 

 

And the command staff needs to be privatized. After joining the military 18 years ago, it has become painfully obvious that most Seargents Majors and Colonels are nothing more than a bunch of half witted soldiers who made better politicians. Maybe they were a good soldier at one time, but when they become the SGM it seems that it is much more important to get some payback on those who pissed them off or did them wrong along the way. An officer who has a perfect record of OER’s is either an office pouge or a coward. He either never got out there and did anything in the real world or was too big of a pussy to stick it out there and take a chance. These are the same risk adverse pussies getting our troops killed in Iraq and screwing up the mission in the Phillipines and Afghanistan.

 

 

The upper ranks need to be run by the likes of Fortune 500 execs. They need military training so they know how to best utilize the forces available but have not been brought up in one branch to color their judgement so they shit on the other branches (you arty and air wing fucks know who you are).